Drops of blood
by StarryBones
Summary: "It became a ritual. Every evening, after he came back from Person Hardman, Mike grabs his blade and draws lines of fire on his disfigured body." Warnings : Self-harm, angst, mention of rape. Rated M for self-harm
1. Chapter 1

**Drops of blood**

WARNING : Self-harm, angst.

I'm a french girl who are trying to write stories in english, so please be gentle if it's too scolar or if you see some mistakes !

* * *

><p>One drop, two drops, let me cry.<p>

Three drops, four drops, let me scream.

Five drops, six drops, let me leave

I heard that death was nothing, just the awakening from an insignificant sleep.

However I see the others, and they are so afraid of this death. What are they afraid of? Death is our friend, our deliverance. I look into her eyes, and she is so beautiful.

It's been a long time that she doesn't disappoint me. She always amazes me at the worst time. She waves me and throws me, she shakes me and dismisses me. She comes to see me and abandon me. She asks me to come just for breaking my legs. I'll never be able to walk again. My heart a long time ago ceased flying alone. Maybe it's her, to prolong my agony, that tears it but never kill it. Death always holds her scythe over my head.

She seems happy in my sorrow.

She seems to delight in my despair

So come, come my friend

I am at your disposal

Surprises me, abyss me, hurt me, flay me, messes me, torn me.

And if that is my destiny

Just come get me too.

* * *

><p>It became a ritual. Every evening, after he came back from Pearson Hardman, Mike grabs his blade and draws lines of fire on his disfigured body. Sighing with relief, he sees on his wrists blood escaping of his wounds. He stares then, absorbing the pain gushing from his wrists, and he laughed. And when the pain disappears, and his laughter subsides, he does that again. And when the physical pain takes over his inner discomfort, he stops and stretches.<p>

And every night at this point, Mike thinks about his wasted life, the life he'd like to end for so long. Since his desire of diying far exceeded his desire of living.

His body is streaked with scars. He cares to remember them all, and every moments.

* * *

><p>The first time Harvey saw his scars and wounds, Mike saw in his eyes a mixture of disgust, pity and incomprehension.<p>

_"Kid, what are you doing to yourself?" _

_And the oldest took him in his arms, trying to remove the pain of his younger friend. In the crook of his shoulder, he felt Mike smiling. _

_"Why, Harvey? It's nothing, you know. It's just a help, it's my refuge. The buoy that keeps me from sinking. "_

_Harvey broke the embrace to plunge his gaze in the younger's one. _

_"Will I become this buoy one day?" _

_"Maybe, Harvey. Maybe you'll save me from drowning. "_

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><p>When Mike slept for the first time at Harvey's after an evening of work, he didn't even think to cut himself. In fact, his older became this aid, this shelter. Slowly, he felt that his last wound was healing, and panic washed over him. Then Harvey enters a little more in his life, trying to replace the soothing pain by his presence.<p>

_"You're not alone, kid. I'll be there, always."_

_"I know Harvey. But how can I heal if I'm not even sure I want to? "_

_"I don't know, Mike. But I will find. "_

And Mike trusted him.

* * *

><p>The first time Harvey kissed his partner was in the hospital. Mike had relapsed a few days earlier and his addiction to mutilation had almost cost him his life.<p>

_One drop, two drops, let me cry. _

_Three drops, four drops, let me scream. _

_Five drops, six drops, let me leave. _

_Mike lived that moment as a rebirth. This time, he cut his skin deeply, enjoying every moment that gave him the blade. Sat against his bath, he thought back to his grandmother. Death had played him a trick again. She had burned his heart again. 5,10,20 drops fell to the ground but he doesn't care. _

_When he fainted, he didn't feel he left, he just closed his eyes and let the darkness take him._

_When Harvey met him, he discovered him there, pale as death, the veins of his two wrists open. Blood completely covered his forearms, and a moment Harvey thought he was dead. He found a weak pulse and called 911 immediately. _

_"Mike! Mike come back ! I'm begging you. You're not allowed to do that. "_

_And while his tears mingled with hemoglobin that still flowed of the slashed wrists of the blonde guy, Harvey screamed. _

_"I didn't gave you the right to go! Damn it. Come back ! I forbid you to die!"_

_He continued to shake Mike's lifeless body until the paramedics arrived, after what seemed like hours of waiting. _

Harvey didn't think to do a thing like that. Not that he hadn't thought of it before, but Mike seemed too fragile for considering any relationship. But his partner had almost died.

_"Family of Michael Ross?" _

_Harvey automatically raised in the direction of a doctor. _

_"Are you family?" Asked the man. _

_"I'm his superior." _

_"I'm sorry, only family can-" _

_"The last family member he had died two days ago. Tell me. "_

_"Well." The doctor said with a sigh. " Michael has been very lucky, we were able to revive him just in time. However, if you had arrived 10 minutes late, it wouldn't have been the case. So we put him on a suicide watch. He's awake, you can go see him in the room 232."_

_"Thank you doctor." _

_He nodded and leave. Harvey walked to the bedroom and opened the door. His eyes met Mike's, who looked down immediatly. The oldest sat down and sighed. _

_"Mike. Don't do that again. I thought .. that .. "_

_"That I was dead?" _

_"Yes." _

_"I am dead inside." _

_Harvey looked up to Mike. _

_"I will bring you back to the light." _

_Mike smiled. _

_"Maybe." _

_They said nothing until the youngest spoke again. _

_"Why are you here with me? I am worthless. "_

_Harvey rose to approach the bed Mike. He gently put his hand on his cheek. _

_"You're not worthless kiddo. In reality, you worth more than anything. "_

_"I don't understand. I'm just a young suicid- "_

_Harvey cut him off by putting his lips on Mike's. It was chaste and quick, but enough to make it stop talking. Mike looked at him with wide eyes and Harvey wondered if he hadn't made a huge mistake. _

_"Do that again." _

_"What?" _

_"I said do that again." _

_Harvey leaned in to kiss his again, and this time he felt Mike's weak arms around his neck to prevent him from leaving. The kiss became feverish, as if the youngest rejected his pain inside, as if it was urgent to them to show their affection._

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><p>TBC<p>

Sorry if this is too dark. It's just came to my mind one evening when I felt depressed. Don't forget to review please !


	2. Chapter 2

Drops of Blood, Chapter 2

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><p>«Help, I have done it again<em><br>_I have been here many times before_  
><em>Hurt myself again today_  
><em>And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend_  
><em>Hold me, wrap me up_  
><em>Unfold me_  
><em>I am small_  
><em>And needy_  
><em>Warm me up_  
><em>And breathe me.»

* * *

><p><em>« Don't you dare taking all that's left of me. »<em>

_« I don't want anything from you. »_

_Mike looked up quickly and stared at Harvey. _

_« Hum. No, that's not what I wanted to say. I don't want- I don't want to take everything from you. I'm not like him. »_

_« He took everything I was. Everything I built. There's nothing left.»_

_« I know, kid. I know. »_

The first time Trevor put a hand on Mike was on a february night. The young man was exhausted after a long day at the office. He came back at home late in the night, under the snow. When he opened the door, he was greeted by a slap in the face.

_« It's at this time that you come back ? Really ? I did tell you to call me this morning. You never listen to me ! Are you going to be nice to me someday? Huh ? »_

_Mike touched his cheek with his frozen fingers. _

_« My battery's dead, Trevor. And Harvey wanted to work on- »_

_« Harvey. Always Harvey. Will you realise one day that you are MY boyfriend, not HIS ? You're mine. Ok ? You're mine ! » Shouted Trevor._

_« Listen, Trevor, you're drunk, why don't we speak about this later, when you will be sober... »_

_« You admit it ! You're cheating on me ! I knew it. »_

_And before Mike could respond to his accusations, the man punched him in the guts. Mike fall to the ground. Trevor continued to give him some violent blows, but Mike felt paralyzed. He remained on the ground, spitting blood, and feeling alone, more alone than ever. He felt like leaving, slowly, his unconsciousness seeming soft compared to the violence of the blows. The last thing he saw was Trevor spit on his face, and then he fainted._

* * *

><p>«What if I wanted to break<em><br>_Laugh it all off in your face_  
><em>What would you do? _  
><em>What if I fell to the floor_  
><em>Couldn't take all this anymore_  
><em>What would you do, do, do?

Come break me down_  
><em>Bury me, bury me_  
><em>I am finished with you»

* * *

><p>When Mike came to work the next day, he could barely stand without screaming in pain. Bruises covered every part of his body, and his face was completely swollen.<p>

_«Kid, what happened to you ?_

_-Nothing. Absolutely nothing.»_

_You're nothing ! Nothing ! Trevor was screaming in his head._

_Mike ran to the bathroom and threw up. On his knees, he took his head in his hands and moaned._

_Go away ! Please go away ! He said to the voice._

At the end of the day, he came back to their home. But this time, it was some loving arms which are waiting for him.

_«Mike, baby, forgive me. You know I was drunk, I didn't mean everything I said, please. I love you. I love each part of you.»_

* * *

><p><em>And Mike believed him, with his manipulative words, without seeing the grip Trevor had on his heart. Without seeing how he allowed this man to ripped him in pieces.<em>

Three months later, Mike started to cut himself. Trevor laughed at him when he saw how weak he was. But Mike didn't care. It was the only thing that enabled him to escape of his nightmare. Then his torturer take his bloody wrists, and take him violently to the bedroom, and he beated him, raped him, broke him in the inside. He tore him with his words, he destroyed him with his evil lips.

* * *

><p>When Mike fainted at work, Donna and Harvey took him to the hospital. They pressed charges immediately after having the results of the paramedics. Mike woke up slowly, and Harvey took his hand. Without saying a word, the younger understood. He took a deep breath, and nodded.<p>

_«He's in jail._

_-What ?_

_-We won. Trevor's in jail.»_

_Mike put his head down and started to cry soflty. Harvey touched his cheek with his fingers._

_«Hey, hey kid... These are good news. He won't be able to hurt you anymore. I am here. I'm with you. Forever.»_

But even if Trevor was in prison, Mike's nightmare didn't stopped. Everyday, everynight, everytime he closed his eyes, he saw him getting beaten, again and again. He relived the shots, the rapes, all that Trevor did to make him suffer.

* * *

><p>However, his partner was here to share his pain, and to touch his wounds with a tender hand. His support was the reason for Mike to stay alive.<p>

Do you know how it feels when nothing's good in your life ? When you feel like you're nothing, just a useless person who try to survive in a world that isn't made for you. Did you ever feel the sorrow, the deep pain in your soul, that makes you drowning.

_And the only thing to do is to find this person who will make your life a little better. This person, who will change your world. Forever._

This is the person who will stop the Drops of Blood.

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><p>I just want to thank you for reading this story. It's the first time that I write something like this. Thank you for the reviews that some persons gave me, it's the only thing that made me want to finish this text. I'm really sorry if there's any mistakes, don't hesitate to tell me if you saw one. It will be good for my next stories :)<p>

The first quote is an extract of the beautiful song "Breathe me" written by Sia, and the second one is "The Kill" of 30 seconds to Mars.

Don't forget to review if you liked it. (Or not)


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